In 1965, Malaysia said ‘Bai’ to Singapore, and the tiny nation plodded a tearful path southwards toward a dubious independence with no natural resources or anything, being just a swampy little fishing village, abandoned by the British Foreign Entity, and infested by schools of fish-lion thingies.
However, not everyone was united in the iffy dream, and some, like the seditious residents of Pasir Ris, were outright against it. Happy with their Marxist coconut plantations and fishing piers, they had no desire to be part of a ‘United States of Singapore’, a suppressive nation that would go on to smash their fried chicken, and in the process create a class of ah beng uncles clearly in it only for themselves.
The PRexit referendum
This is why the people of Pasir Ris, like their comrades in Texas, now demand immediate secession from the rest of Singapore and the overarching regional ASEAN Economic Community via an online Facebook referendum.
In so doing they boldly challenge the politicians who say that Pasir Ris isn’t good enough; that it is too small to make a difference in the world. To such politicians, and to The Economist, the People of Pasir Ris say, “You have lost confidence in our kampong!”
The Pasir Ris Exit campaign, affectionately known as ‘PRexit’, has presented several arguments which have drawn steadily increasing support, even from residents of faraway places like Radin Mas and Yuhua.
No more ERP
residents citizens can save at least SGD 1,000 each year. By leaving Singapore, each household could be better off by this amount when all ERP gantries are removed.
CPF funds returned
As Pasir Ris
residents citizens leave the jurisdictional confines of Singapore, they will become eligible for full withdrawal of CPF savings. Han Hui Hui will administer the CPF refund process with whatever remaining funds that she can locate. Ms. Han will be assisted by Roy Ngerng.
Chewing Gum, Spitting and Durians on buses
Every Pasir Ris
resident citizen collecting their new Pasir Ris passport will receive a goody-bag with chewing gum, a spittoon, two mountain cat durians and a rainbow flag.
More good reasons
The list of advantages is so long already, so here are some more highlights;
- New Hawker Centre (already being built so finish soon)
- Free Parking everywhere, anytime
- Lift maintenance every day
- Civil Society Disobedience protests and demonstrations 27/7
- The death penalty will be abolished
- Preservation of all remaining forests and trees
- Stray dogs and cats to be rounded up and kept in a humane shelter until they are adopted
- Police to be replaced with ‘Freedom to Love‘ officers
Although the Straits Times editorial board has not (yet) endorsed Pasir Ris’ plans to secede (That part is factually correct, -Ed), the movement’s spokesperson Ris Low told The Inside Story that, “It’s time to be a bigger part of the world rather than a smaller part of Singapore. We believe Pasir Ris Low could do so much better outside of the GRC”.
The vote will be conducted on Facebook, unless the post is removed.
As the referendum nears, Ris Low reminds all Pasir Ris voters, “Let’s take a stand. Together, we can win back our kampong!”
Ben Tsai Flickr public domain