PRexit shock in Singapore!

prexit

Graphic; Thomas Timlen. Photo: Ben Tsai – Flickr public domain. Link below

While the world tries desperately to recover from the Brexit shock, Singapore now steals the media spotlight with its own secessionist drama; The PRexit. (I told you to fix that link already! -Ed.)

In 1965, Malaysia said ‘Bai’ to Singapore, and the tiny nation plodded a tearful path southwards toward a dubious independence with no natural resources or anything, being just a swampy little fishing village, abandoned by the British Foreign Entity, and infested by schools of fish-lion thingies.

Then Lee Kuan Yew rolled up his sleeves and built a gleaming city-state. So shiok already.

However, not everyone was united in the iffy dream, and some, like the seditious residents of Pasir Ris, were outright against it. Happy with their Marxist coconut plantations and fishing piers, they had no desire to be part of a ‘United States of Singapore’, a suppressive nation that would go on to smash their fried chicken, and in the process create a class of ah beng uncles clearly in it only for themselves.

The PRexit referendum

This is why the people of Pasir Ris, like their comrades in Texas, now demand immediate secession from the rest of Singapore and the overarching regional ASEAN Economic Community via an online Facebook referendum.

In so doing they boldly challenge the politicians who say that Pasir Ris isn’t good enough; that it is too small to make a difference in the world. To such politicians, and to The Economist, the People of Pasir Ris say, “You have lost confidence in our kampong!”

The Pasir Ris Exit campaign, affectionately known as ‘PRexit’, has presented several arguments which have drawn steadily increasing support, even from residents of faraway places like Radin Mas and Yuhua.

No more ERP

Pasir Ris residents citizens can save at least SGD 1,000 each year. By leaving Singapore, each household could be better off by this amount when all ERP gantries are removed.

CPF funds returned

As Pasir Ris residents citizens leave the jurisdictional confines of Singapore, they will become eligible for full withdrawal of CPF savings. Han Hui Hui will administer the CPF refund process with whatever remaining funds that she can locate. Ms. Han will be assisted by Roy Ngerng.

Chewing Gum, Spitting and Durians on buses

Every Pasir Ris resident citizen collecting their new Pasir Ris passport will receive a goody-bag with chewing gum, a spittoon, two mountain cat durians and a rainbow flag.

More good reasons

The list of advantages is so long already, so here are some more highlights;

  • New Hawker Centre (already being built so finish soon)
  • Free Parking everywhere, anytime
  • Lift maintenance every day
  • Civil Society Disobedience  protests and demonstrations 27/7
  • The death penalty will be abolished
  • Preservation of all remaining forests and trees
  • Stray dogs and cats to be rounded up and kept in a humane shelter until they are adopted
  • Police to be replaced with ‘Freedom to Love‘ officers

 

Although the Straits Times editorial board has not (yet) endorsed Pasir Ris’ plans to secede (That part is factually correct, -Ed),  the movement’s spokesperson Ris Low told The Inside Story that, “It’s time to be a bigger part of the world rather than a smaller part of Singapore. We believe Pasir Ris Low could do so much better outside of the GRC”.

The vote will be conducted on Facebook, unless the post is removed.

As the referendum nears, Ris Low reminds all Pasir Ris voters, “Let’s take a stand. Together, we can win back our kampong!”

Photo Credit

Ben Tsai Flickr public domain

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