The @real Trump State of the Uniom

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The official transcript of Donald J. Trump’s 30 January 2018 State of the Uniom follows:

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LETTERS: Lookalikes

LOOKALIKES

MAYFRY

Dear Sir,

Has anyone noticed the similarity between English comedian, actor, writer, presenter and activist Stephen Fry and future British Prime Minister Theresa May? I was struck by the similarities between the two. Do you think they might be related?

Yours faithfully,
Tony Blair

Singapore geocache disaster!

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The box that 3 million geocahers might never find (Photo credits below)

SINGAPORE: Tragedy struck the international geocaching community when one of its most sought after Singaporean containers was whisked away to a Chinese railcar factory in the middle of the night.

Geo WTF?

‘What is geocaching?’ you ask? It’s ok, I had no idea until a Dutch couple shared their passion for this GPS treasure hunting hobby with me. The official website explains it as “an outdoor adventure where players use our free mobile app or a GPS device to find cleverly hidden containers around the world.”

OK, so what’s the ‘disaster’?

Good question. That’s the whole point of this story.

What’s gone wrong is that some geocacher decided to cleverly hide a geocache container under a seat on one of the 26 Singapore MRT Trains that have been sent back to China for repairs.

Millions of Geocahcers have recently arrived in Singapore seeking to locate the hidden container. Not knowing that it is on board a train that is now on the Qingdao Sifang Locomotive and Rolling Stock Company (CSR Sifang) factory premises, they are wandering aimlessly back and forth on Singapore’s North South East West Line.

Not only can such activity cause delays with the few non-defective trains that still operate on these tracks, it also means that these tourists are not spending money at Singapore’s Integrated resorts, shopping malls, theme parks or zoos.

“They might as well have taken holiday on a foreign entity” said one anonymous agency spokesperson.

Good news?

Ok, there is some good news. A few of the geocachers read an article in a Hong Kong newspaper that identified the location of the train containing the sought after geocache container. These geocachers obtained funds from an ang moh bank robber and have made their way to Qingdao, where they can also enjoy the largest bathing beach in Asia.

Such disasters will not happen in the future as all trains will be phased out of the city-state.

 

Photo Credits

Graphic created with photos by alantankenghoe under this license and Trevor Manternach under this license. Thanks guys!

 

Measures in place to prevent ang moh crime

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SINGAPORE: The Ministry of Ang Moh Affairs (MAMA) has measures in place to safeguard against a repeat of the Holland Village bank robbery, said the ministry’s Second Deputy Senior Minister of Theft Bruce Lee on Wednesday (July 6).

Responding to questions from a Member of Parliament, Mr Lee said that MAMA “continually reviews its management of hotspots with hoodie-wearing ang mohs such as Holland Village and Smith’s Authentic British Fish and Chips”.

One ang moh from Australia robbed a bank by handing the teller a note on a piece of paper. He is only the second ang moh in the history of independent Singapore to be seen wearing a hoodie.

Following the incident, authorities stepped up police patrols in the area and curbed consumption of Earl Grey breakfast tea on Orchard Road and in the Marina Bay Financial district.

But, relating a recent visit to Holland Village, Ms Thatcher, who is the President of the Women’s Philately League, said: “It was obvious that the pre-robbery ang mohs have returned to Holland Village. Congregations of such high density are walking time-bombs and crime incidents waiting to happen.”

“It is important that we do not take our eyes off this matter lest we want history to repeat itself.”

The MP for Holland Village constituency put forth some suggestions, including forming a multi-agency Task Force to manage ang mohs; removing all banks to reduce the risk of further bank robberies; building more fish and chip restaurants outside Holland Village; and deporting ang mohs regularly in the middle of the night on Chinese-built trains.

He added that, “Anton Casey left of his own accord, an excellent role model that other ang mohs can choose wisely to follow.”

Many feel that the ang mohs need a stern warning.

 

 

Singapore ‘definitely has not given up’ on trains

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SINGAPORE: Singapore “definitely has not given up” on the use of trains for mass transport, said Mr Choo Choo Loon, director of Public Transport Solutions at the Transport Development Authority of Singapore (TDA), on Thursday (July 7).

In fact, the Government is “taking a leap forward” to eliminate all possible train-related problems afflicting commuters today – the trains, explained Mr Choo in an interview with Fine Gardening Magazine.

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Singapore bans lorry booms to protect sheltered walkways

lorry boom ban

Lorry Booms like this will not be seen again on the roads of Singapore (Photo: Thomas Timlen hastily using Gimp, his own cityscape shot and two Flickr Commons shots, all combined like that lah)

The Republic is a “prime target” for lorry boom mishaps and has experienced several lorry boom-related accidents over the years, the Sheltered Walkway Protection Agency (SWPA) said on Friday amid growing concerns about a move to ban lorry booms in the city-state.

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Policing the haze and the gays

gay haze

Singapore’s Transboundary Haze Pollution Act and Section 377A of the Penal Code

 

If you live in Singapore you are familiar with two laws that are now getting a lot of attention; the Transboundary Haze Pollution Act of 2014 and Section 377A of the Penal Code.

The Transboundary Haze Pollution Act (THPA) was enacted in 2014 in reaction to decades of air pollution caused by land users in Indonesia. The THPA  was meant to provide the government with a mechanism to prosecute companies that use the slash and burn land clearing method. This method causes severe, sometimes hazardous pollution of the air in Singapore, Malaysia and beyond. The related health hazards and economic impact are substantial.

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