Mr. Calzone goes to Singapore

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Anontio Calzone, 5th from the left 

SINGAPORE – The chairman of halal pizza franchise Ayam Penyet Pizza, Mr Antonio Calzone, has launched a presidential candidate bid.

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The [SECRET] Customs Interview

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Photo  Credit: Henk Bekker. Details Below.

 

In the Hong Kong Special Autonomous Region of China, Customs and National Defense Headquarters of Most Honourable Memorial People’s Building, Third Chief Senior Enforcement and Contraband Officer John Sing Chew Yang, Jr. sits across the table from Mr. Ralph Nebulous, Associate Customer Service Representative (Air & Ocean) at Box&Go World-Wide DIY Shipping, Plc. Ltd., an NVOCC. Google it.

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Sarah Palin’s Star Student: The Donald

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LAMESTREAM MEDIA RELEASE: At Sarah Palin’s School of Public Speaking, Mr. Donald Trump is our star celebrity student.

Head Governess Sarah Palin has this to say of Donald Trump’s speaking skills;

“He is a fast learner with temper mints, you betcha! We learned him real fast! Good thing he stayed away from her Katie Couric, she does the gotcha questions like always. That’s why I say, I, like every Trumpet I’m speaking with, we’re ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the tax payers looking to bail out, but ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping thugh, it’s got to be all about job creation too, shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track, so healthcare reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans.”

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LETTERS: Lookalikes

LOOKALIKES

MAYFRY

Dear Sir,

Has anyone noticed the similarity between English comedian, actor, writer, presenter and activist Stephen Fry and future British Prime Minister Theresa May? I was struck by the similarities between the two. Do you think they might be related?

Yours faithfully,
Tony Blair

Singapore geocache disaster!

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The box that 3 million geocahers might never find (Photo credits below)

SINGAPORE: Tragedy struck the international geocaching community when one of its most sought after Singaporean containers was whisked away to a Chinese railcar factory in the middle of the night.

Geo WTF?

‘What is geocaching?’ you ask? It’s ok, I had no idea until a Dutch couple shared their passion for this GPS treasure hunting hobby with me. The official website explains it as “an outdoor adventure where players use our free mobile app or a GPS device to find cleverly hidden containers around the world.”

OK, so what’s the ‘disaster’?

Good question. That’s the whole point of this story.

What’s gone wrong is that some geocacher decided to cleverly hide a geocache container under a seat on one of the 26 Singapore MRT Trains that have been sent back to China for repairs.

Millions of Geocahcers have recently arrived in Singapore seeking to locate the hidden container. Not knowing that it is on board a train that is now on the Qingdao Sifang Locomotive and Rolling Stock Company (CSR Sifang) factory premises, they are wandering aimlessly back and forth on Singapore’s North South East West Line.

Not only can such activity cause delays with the few non-defective trains that still operate on these tracks, it also means that these tourists are not spending money at Singapore’s Integrated resorts, shopping malls, theme parks or zoos.

“They might as well have taken holiday on a foreign entity” said one anonymous agency spokesperson.

Good news?

Ok, there is some good news. A few of the geocachers read an article in a Hong Kong newspaper that identified the location of the train containing the sought after geocache container. These geocachers obtained funds from an ang moh bank robber and have made their way to Qingdao, where they can also enjoy the largest bathing beach in Asia.

Such disasters will not happen in the future as all trains will be phased out of the city-state.

 

Photo Credits

Graphic created with photos by alantankenghoe under this license and Trevor Manternach under this license. Thanks guys!

 

Measures in place to prevent ang moh crime

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SINGAPORE: The Ministry of Ang Moh Affairs (MAMA) has measures in place to safeguard against a repeat of the Holland Village bank robbery, said the ministry’s Second Deputy Senior Minister of Theft Bruce Lee on Wednesday (July 6).

Responding to questions from a Member of Parliament, Mr Lee said that MAMA “continually reviews its management of hotspots with hoodie-wearing ang mohs such as Holland Village and Smith’s Authentic British Fish and Chips”.

One ang moh from Australia robbed a bank by handing the teller a note on a piece of paper. He is only the second ang moh in the history of independent Singapore to be seen wearing a hoodie.

Following the incident, authorities stepped up police patrols in the area and curbed consumption of Earl Grey breakfast tea on Orchard Road and in the Marina Bay Financial district.

But, relating a recent visit to Holland Village, Ms Thatcher, who is the President of the Women’s Philately League, said: “It was obvious that the pre-robbery ang mohs have returned to Holland Village. Congregations of such high density are walking time-bombs and crime incidents waiting to happen.”

“It is important that we do not take our eyes off this matter lest we want history to repeat itself.”

The MP for Holland Village constituency put forth some suggestions, including forming a multi-agency Task Force to manage ang mohs; removing all banks to reduce the risk of further bank robberies; building more fish and chip restaurants outside Holland Village; and deporting ang mohs regularly in the middle of the night on Chinese-built trains.

He added that, “Anton Casey left of his own accord, an excellent role model that other ang mohs can choose wisely to follow.”

Many feel that the ang mohs need a stern warning.